buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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