I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
