I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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