There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
