im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
