if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
