I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
