theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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