Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
