I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
