Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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