Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
