There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
