she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
