I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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