There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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