I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
