Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
