the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
