No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
A bitchslap is in order.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
