Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
