Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
