You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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