it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
