Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
