Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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