you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
