He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
