i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
