Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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