well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
