Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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