this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I FOUND THE LEGS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
