Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
