he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
