Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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