Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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