Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
