I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize