You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
