Need sex. Gaining weight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
