glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
