life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i believe in u and ur pee
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
