he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
