Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
