i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
