i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
