i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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