but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
