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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
