k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
