Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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