Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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(815): View more from Illinois

someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.

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(850): View more from Florida

Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

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(806): View more from Texas

apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(260): View more from Indiana

I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

(260): View more from Indiana

Sorry- wrong number! :)

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(703): View more from Virginia

You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

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(760): View more from California

I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun

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