you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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