I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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