does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
