You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize