A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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