I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I intend to get homeless drunk
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
