He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
