believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lo siento on account of my penis...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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