...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
As shirtless as possible
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
