i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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