Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
