You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
