i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
