Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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