I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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